Here's The Skinny.....

So today began the journey.  I woke up in time to actually weigh myself and the news is good.  According to my current weight, I actually need to lose between 110-115 lbs (not the 120 lbs previously believed).  So, I actually already feel like I am winning.  I guess if I keep telling myself this and this actually motivates me then that is all that matters.   On my way to work, I contemplated stopping for a large Diet Coke at McD's, but I knew I would never make it through the drive thru without ordering a delicious McMuffin, so I refrained.  I was able to refrain all day from unnecessary treats.  I even passed on some homemade ice cream my roommate made.

Tonight my friend Dan stopped by and asked me about my new quest.  I was so embarrassed my roommate Sarah told him about it.  I actually thought to myself for a half a second, "Ohh no, he's going to find out I am fat!"  As if the 100 lb blubber I was carrying around wasn't noticeable.  I was so embarrassed and told him I didnt want to talk about it.  I decided after a few mintues if I couldnt talk to him about it, how could I actually post my feelings to the world.

I feel like by making this journey, I will actually be honest with myself and everyone around me about my actual weight problem, and feelings.  I always make jokes about my weight to downplay my feelings, hopefully this will make me appreciate who I am.

NOT The Biggest Loser.....Yet

Ok, so this might be the craziest thing I have EVER done in my entire life.  There are a few events that have transpired that have driven me to BEGIN (really begin) my weightloss journey.

1.  Singles Cruise From Hell-  This was the final straw in my quest.  In October I signed up with my friend for a Singles Cruise.  I subsequently "tricked" (I use this term loosely since this wasn't her first singles cruise, so she knew exactly what she was getting hereself into) my roommate Sarah into coming with me on.  The cruise was slated for late January so I had roughly 4 long months to get myself in the best shape of my life....or on the way there at least.  I was super pumped and started P90X.  In all reality, October soon turned into Thanksgiving weekend and I was eating stuffing, and Pecan Pie.  Thanksgiving parlayed into Christmas, and by the timme I noticed, it was two weeks till the cruise and I was F-A-T; and I had to go swimming suit shopping. (this might have been the worst part of the entire ordeal).....needless to say, I cried in the dressing room.  By the time I was on the cruise ship I was over it but still fat.  I was on a cruise ship with 400 singles with rock hard bodies....I am not kidding.  I had several people on the cruise ship tell me that it was the best looking group of single poeple they had ever seen.....and I was the fat girl....

2.  The Biggest Loser wouldn't have me-  When I got home from the Cruise my Cousin Annie talked me into trying out for the Biggest Loser.  They were going to be in town mid March, so I had a month and a half to fatten myself up for the tryouts.  I started eating McDonalds EVERYDAY.....I told myself it was for the tryouts, but really I just love those Sausage McMuffins hold the egg please.  I didnt gain any weight (whehh) but now I have a hankering for McD's everyday.  My interview was with the casting directors yesterday morning.  I tried to wear my fattest outfit, and turned on my charm.  I knew this was my chance, the opportunity I had been eating for.  They didnt even give me a second look.  My cousin Annie got a call back and is on her way to be a big star.  She is going to do awesome.  I on the otherhand, am fat, dumb (all those sausage Mc Muffins) and un-happy......and so the journey begins......

Mostly, this is all for me, and anyone who cares to check it out.  I plan on updating weekly and posting progress pics, to get myself accountable to someone...even if it is just me and the keyboard.  I want to lose 120 lbs by the end of the year.  I want to do this healthy, and actually change my life.  I know the only way I am going to find love and truly be happy in this life is if I am happy with myself. And I'm not......