I couldn't go to the gym....all my workout clothes were dirty.....

Well, this week was much more of a success than I ever could have imagined.  After feeling like a failure for so many weeks and then having my little victory last week, I wasn't about to let up so easily, so I got a temporary gym membership at 24 hour fitness and hit the gym hard this week.  I got up 4 days at 6 am last week and I did the elliptical for 45 minutes each day.  This felt like a huge win for me, since I value my sleep so much and the fact that I did that so many days was a big win.  I also went for walks on the weekends, so by Sunday of this week all my workout clothes were dirty.  This was a big deal since that NEVER happens.  I loved the feeling of accomplishment this gave me.  I was super pumped to hit the scale today and was so mad when I only lost half a lb.  they decided to weigh me on the biometric scale and see if I had gained muscle mass......drum roll please........In the course of three weeks, I have lost the following:

-10 Lbs Body Fat
-2 Lbs Water
+7 Lbs Muscle Mass
________________
-5 Lbs Net Weight Loss

This is awesome......so even though I only lost a half a lb, I know I am losing inches...I should probably measure this I might be pleasantly surprised.   

If I keep this up till the end, I know that my muscle will help burn my fat, and I will continue to drop.  I have been so happy with the level of service I have received from MD Diet.  The doctor asks me every time I am in there where I am at and what he can do to help me.  Whenever I have been frustrated, he has sat down with me and gone over my diet and came up with a plan to have an increase for the next week.  So, I guess I am off to Golds Gym for their one week free pass....

The bonus to all this is, I just got a call from my friend that I saw on Friday night....she hadn't seen me in couple of weeks, and wanted to tell me how amazing she thought I looked.....It is working I guess.....

Everyone is skinnier at 6:00 am.......

This week was a huge success.  I lost 4.5 lbs this week.  If you aren't keeping track, and I am sure you aren't, then let me break it down for you.  That's 29 lbs total, and 29.8% to my total weight loss goal.  I have been very frustrated the last several weeks.  I would lose, gain, and stay the same.  It was frustrating but I stayed the path.  My sister and were talking and she mentioned to me that I was more than 25% to my goal, and this helped me get through the last week and really focus.  I even joined a gym and today I got up at 6:00 am when my alarm sounded.  It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.  I had mentally prepared myself, and was even looking forward to my new routine.  I was out the door my 6:20 and at the gym by 6:25....I was amazed by how many people were at the gym and even more shocking that everyone was skinny at 6:00 am.  Then it finally occurred to me that the people who are determined enough to get out of bed and start their day off this way are typically fit successful people.  and Lets face it......that is who is inside of me trying to get out, so...alas my days will now begin at 6:00 and end probably somewhere around 9:00pm ( since I love my sleep more than any food). 

Today after I had my big success I called my sister, and filled her in.  She is trying to lose her baby weight after baby # 3 and she made a good observation.  She said "I think I bodies don't want to lose weight.  I can do all the same thing for weeks at a time, and then all the sudden I will lose 6 lbs after losing nothing for six weeks.  I truly believe this is true.  That is why it is so important everyday to stay on track and not get derailed.  Those are the moments that define us and make us stronger........and skinnier. 

Let's hope this week is just as great.  Smile...its going to be a great week!

Thanksgiving and Cauliflower Potatoes....and Popcorn shhhhh!!!!!!

Ok, so last week I lost two lbs, and I am down a total of 24lbs.  This is good but not good enough.  I wanted to be down 30 lbs by Thanksgiving, and If I reached this landmark, then I was going to allow myself some pie, but alas I didn't make my goal.  this was also a big week since I am two thirds of the way done with the program.  When I went in for my appointment I was discouraged at only losing 2 lbs bit the nurse assured me that I was doing a good job, and warned me about not rewarding myself with food.  I thought this was interesting since in the past I always have.  She told me I should reward myself with a new pair of shoes, or a massage.  This was an interesting concept to me since in the past I have always rewarded myself with food.  This has always been my downward spiral.  I will diet diet, and lose lose lose, all the while telling myself as soon as I get to Mexico I am going to go crazy.  then I go on vacation, and go crazy, and never get back on the bandwagon.  I LOVE that this program was designed to teach you from the beginning how to keep the weight off.  This was especially helpful during Thanksgiving.  I made cauliflower potatoes and they were delicious.  I made sure to only eat a tiny bit of stuffing, and I ate it with my turkey to cancel it out.  all in all I would say my first holiday on this plan was a success since I didn't gain an ounce, I actually lost about 8 ounces, but I am only counting full lbs, so all in all I didn't gain.  Today when I went for my weigh in they said that traditionally people will gain a couple of lbs over the holiday, so to remain flat was a huge success, and I even got to eat some popcorn....shhhh don tell them!

stress...stress...stress

So this has been quite the up and down journey for me.  I haven't updated in a few weeks, and I am not sure really why but I am down a total of 22 lbs.  I know I should be really ecstatic, but I am very discouraged.  I have been trudging along with my weight loss very successfully until recently and it has made me very disappointed.  Three weeks ago I lost 22 LBS Holla!!!!  Two weeks ago I gained 1 LB......ughhh last week I lost 1LB...whoop dee doo. This is very discouraging since during this time I never cheated once!!!  I am writing this right now in anticipation of my weigh in today.  Today is a big day, not only do I have my weigh in with the big scary scale that measures my body composition, but I am not losing what I want to be losing and I am scared, and to top it all off, it is Thanksgiving this week!  I told myself if I wasn't down 35 LBS by now that I would not indulge myself, so I guess the pecan pie will have to wait.  Bummer!!!!!

I know there are a few things attributed to my lack of weight loss.

#1 Stress---There have been a lot of changes for me both personally and at work.  Several weeks ago my boss was let go, and last Friday they let 4 sales people go at my work.  I don't think I am in danger of losing my job, but there are major changes happening right now and that stresses me out.  I am a creature of habit, I always order the same thing at restaurants, I wear my clothes in the order they are hanging in my closet from left to right, and I lay my clothes out every night before I go to bed, so I all this change is stressing me out.  I know in the long run things will be awesome, it is just the road getting there that is hard.

#2 Antibiotics---I have been taking this antibiotic for the last couple of weeks, and I think this may be making me retain water....there is no guarantee, and I will fin out today but I swear it is.....My lips are dry and cracked and I have been watching my water intake....so I am blaming it for sure....cross your fingers, I am leaving in 14 minutes!

The Grocery Store

Sorry I am a little late on my post this week.  It has been a crazy week at work and home, and I am just now finding the time two days late to sit down and tell you about what has been going on.  The good news is I am still losing weight.  I am down another 3 lbs...that makes me down a total of 18 lbs.  Yeah.......My short term goal is to be down another two lbs at least this week, so I can hit the 20 lb threshold.  I always feel like you cant see it in me until I am at least down that much weight, but who knows.  I have been trying to work out this week and it is so hard with the weather change.  This morning it was 32 degrees when I woke up.....it might be time for a treadmill......

This week was a good week but a learning week.  I figured out the trick to this diet.  The grocery store.  I have a love hate relationship with the grocery store.  I love going and seeing all the treats and thinking of different things I can make & eat.  Since I have been doing this diet, I haven't been as excited to go, but this week was different.  I pre-planned my meals and shopped accordingly.  I made lettuce taco wraps.  I used iceberg lettuce as the shell, 97% lean beef, low fat sour cream a tiny bit of fresh salsa and low fat cheese.....it was delicious. 

I think the trick to this is preparing in advance, and having the proper groceries in your house.  The best way to approach this is to have basic list of fresh foods that are needed each week, and then getting a few specific items for meals.  This way you always have the proper foods and snacks on hand.  It makes it much harder to cheat, and less desirable.

Headed of for a long walk with my dog...I need to start burning these calories......

Detox is OVER....

So, my second weigh in was very successful although I know this is because I was still doing my detox.  I did the detox for a total of 13 days.  This was probably the hardest part,  I was very limited on the foods I could eat, but I always new it was temporary.  I also knew that by doing the detox for as long as possible I would lose more weight faster.  In total during the first two weeks of the diet I have a lost a total of 15 lbs.  I have recently changed up my diet, so I am eating more foods, so It will be exciting to see where the next weigh in takes me.  I know that my weight loss from here on out will not be as drastic, but I needed this jump start to get me started. 

One of my favorite parts about MD Diet so far has been going in for my weigh ins and vitamin B shots.  The nurses and staff are so nice.  Every time I get my shot I ask the nurse a million lame questions about when I should eat, what I should eat and what I can do to optimize my weight loss at the quickest pace.  They are so nice and so knowledgeable.  It is so great to be able to ask weight loss questions and get the answer in a clinical sense.  I am have a very math oriented mind, and I love breaking down the calories, fat, and carbs to find out exactly how the food is going to affect me. 

Last night I went to dinner with some friends, and someone at the table knew the chef, so he hand delivered Russian Creme, and a deep fried Cheesecake to our table as a custom dessert he prepared for us.  I was so proud of myself that I refrained completely.  I know there will be sacrifices along the way, and although it sucks, it is nice to know that when all this is over I will have something to show for it, and that I will have my indulgences in check....and maybe once in a while I will take a bite, but until then, I am a stone wall.

Weight Lost...............is Weight Lost!!!!!!

OK.....so this week has been super crazy, and I have so much to let you in on. After one complete week on the diet, I am down a total of 9LBS. This means I only have 88LBS to go!!!! I am in utter shock that I could lose this much weight in one week. I know a lot of it is probably water weight (lets be realistic people-remember-35LBS of water), but that does not matter to me. Weight lost is weight lost!!! I have been told that the you can see it in my face. This is really awesome because lets face it, that is the first place people look at you! The other thing is that I died my hair dark brown. I decided that I was becoming a new person and why not make a complete change. This is the new me.





I have one week to go on the detox, and I have to admit, I am getting bored of my limited food choices, but I also realize that the people at MD Diet know what they are talking about since I lost 9 LBS in one week, so I will keep on it. I know this detox is a limited time thing and I will not be doing it forever.

At my most recent weigh in, I got my second Vitamin B shots. I know I shouldn't be such a baby about this part, but I can't help it, it stings!!!! And I am sure that I should probably remember not to wear a skirt on Mondays cuz I am sure the nurse is sick of seeing my hiney each week (well twice-but isn't that enough for anyone).

35 what........

So, I mentioned in my earlier post that would tell you what was on the little printout.  After my initial weigh in and the class I took on how everything works, I was supposed to hit the grocery store and begin my progress.  I decided to take one more day and hit it hard on Sunday.  I spent Saturday stocking up on all the treats (I use this word loosely since we all know I wasn't really buying treats) I would need for my three day cleanse.  I was very diligent to only get what was on list and not deviate at all.  I woke up on Sunday morning ready for my challenge.  I was sooo nervous that I would not be able to do it.  Sunday sailed past without any problems and it was soon Monday when I was supposed to report to the doctor and find out what I was supposed to do after my three day detox...boy was I in for a surprise.  I was initially weighed, and it turned out I had lost 4 Lbs in one day.....un-believable (or so I thought)...Dave, the PA handling my case pulled out the paperwork and started to go over everything they found out about my body composition.  This was to determine what I needed to do to lose all the weight and if I had any underlying thing that were going to be a problem.  The big news that shocked me then and still shocks me even as I type this is, that I had 35 LBS of extra (yes EXTRA) water weight (sooooo that was the 4 LBS).  I knew I used a lot of salt in my diet, but I was in shock that I had retained that much water.  My friend Diane has described me as salting my salt.  I put salt on everything, pizza, toast, salad, and even Bacon.  I never realized this could be such a huge mitigating factor on my weight (OK I guess I realized it, but I didn't want to hear it).  I guess the news isn't totally bad (glass half full people).  If I need to lose 97 LBS, and 35 of those are water, then if my calculations are correct I only need to lose 62LBS of fat...this is so much more doable.....I have never been more motivated than I was after this meeting.  The bad news is, they want me to stay on this detox for 14 days since I have soooo much water to lose...bummer cuz I want to widen my horizons with my food, but I am so happy with the results so far. 

Wait......how do I do this????

So, after I won my weight loss package from MD Diet, I needed to attend the class where they teach me everything and I have my first weigh in.  I was super nervous.  All week I was trying to fit in all my fat girl faves----Pizza, Cheese Fries, Cafe Rio, Popcorn, and I knew that once I went to the class it was all going to be over.  So, I attended the dreaded class, and the even more dreaded weigh in, and I have to say I L-O-V-E-D it.  When I got to MD Diet, the people were so awesome.  I actually got there a half hour early so I was able to read some of brochures and kind of familiarize myself with what I was about to get myself into.  I signed up and waited for my turn to be called.  When the lady called my name I was actually totally relaxed at that point and ready to get on the scale.  I was expecting an old school medical scale the one the weights that they move back and forth and I was hoping I would not see anything I didn't want to see....I was in luck.  My first weigh in was actually on a very high tech machine that spewed out a little printout.  What was on this printout is very important and I will tell you about that later but the one thing that was glaring at me was 97.  No, I do not weight 97 LBS....I only wish.....this was the actual projected weight loss......HOLLA.  I could not believe that I only had to lose 97 LBS, this was much more manageable than the 110 that I thought I had to lose.  I was 13 LBS less fat than I thought I was......woot woot....

After I did my weigh in I was ushered along to a class.  I was super annoyed that I had to attend a class (do they think I am a 7 year old).  Now I may have had these thoughts when I went into the class (but who wouldn't)....but when I left the class, I was so excited.  I loved it.  It was taught by the owner of MD Diet, and let me tell you, she knows her stuff.  She taught us the most important thing anyone can learn about dieting......how to keep it off.  I have lost weight before, and I have obviously not kept it off...or else I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog, but what she taught us about pairing the proper foods together and caloric burn, and negative/positive/neutral foods, I was in awe. I actually thought to myself...."I am going to be able to do this, and I am going to be able to keep this off....long term."  It was enlightening...They gave us a brief detox plan, that we are supposed to do for 3 days and then meet with the Doctor and go over our "little printout" from the fancy scale.  I am excited to find out everything that was on the printout, and what the plan is for me.

...that night I went out dinner with some friends at my favorite place the Bombay House.....who's gonna blame a fat girl for getting in her last hurrah before the war.

And the Journey Begins...............Again......

I started this blog last March as I was beginning my journey to lose weight.  I have had a few bumps on my "Journey," but I haven't given up.  After weight loss, a serious battle for survival (Cancer) by my roommate, weight gain, some good cries and a few Sausage McMuffins along the way, I have finally got the break I have so desperately waited for.  My roommate was getting married and I was about to get my life back to normal, and establish new patterns. I knew this was the perfect time to re-new (as Ramona RHNY would say), and clean out my cupboards and start fresh.  I saw that Good Things Utah was hosting a contest to pick the new MD Diet weight loss winner.  The winner would win a 12 week course of treatment at their diet center.  I never thought in a million years I would win it, but I felt like life was on my side.  I submitted my entry and included a copy of my blog.  I got back to normal in my chaotic life and finished the wedding plans for my roommates upcoming wedding.  On Saturday September 18th my roommate was married, and the last F-A-T picture of me was ever taken. 



I was so depressed that I had let myself get to where I had let myself get.  I was determined to lose 110 Lbs.  Leading up to the wedding I was self conscious of how I was going to look in the bridesmaid outfit, and when I was in the dressing room (two days before, because I was putting it off....who wants to try on clothes when you are fat) I vowed that as soon as the wedding was over I was going to change.  On Monday Sept 20th, I got the call I was not expecting to receive, and I could have been happier to get.  I had won the MD Diet makeover.  The only problem was that I was supposed to be on TV the next day to claim my prize.  I quickly calculated in my head how much weight I could lose in the next 20 hours if I didn't eat anything and sat in a sauna for 4 hours.  I soon came to my senses and realized that I won because I was over weight.  The next day I showed up at the Good Things Utah taping in one of my more slimming outfits (it was TV after all).  I met the doctor and was so excited.  I learned that at the end of the week I was supposed to go to the weight loss class and learn exactly just how fat I am....ugghhh

Although it is scary to learn how much weight you need to lose, it is very empowering.  I have tried A LOT of different thing and I have never been able to keep the weight off long term.  I am way excited to move forward and I cant wait to see what MD Diet has in store for me!

S-T-R-U-G-G-L-E

The last several weeks have been a struggle to say the least.  I have gained weight and lost weight.  Overall I am down 2 Lbs.  This is very exciting since last week I was up 6 1/2 Lbs.  This week I did my much dreaded taxes.  I was dreading the fact that I might owe the government several thousand dollars.  When everything was said and done I was to receive $3600.  This is both exciting and terrifying!  And let me tell you why!

Exciting:  Who isn't excited about the prospect of their wallet fattening by $3600.  This will enable me to pay off some debt, put some money in savings, and buy some plane tickets for some trips I have planned this summer.

Terrifying:  About those trips.........

Trip #1: Colorado River: Several months ago, my best friend from High School and I were talking about getting together for a weekend trip at her families house on the Colorado River.  As the time has gotten closer I have been thinking I could get out of the trip because I "couldn't afford it".  But the $3600 burning a hole in my pocket is forcing me to follow through on my commitments.  Now let me just tell you about her.  She got married at 20 years old to a great guy.  They have 4 beautiful children, and she has the body she had in high school.  Not to mention long blond luxurious hair.  I on the other hand, am 130 Lbs heavier than I was in High School.  I have hair extensions, because my fine limp hair has never enabled me to have the long locks I have always wanted. So....needless to say, in 6 weeks I will be on the river (dont forget about the part where I have to wear a bathing suit) with her and her family for an entire weekend.  Not to mention, our other two friends who also have the bodies they had in high school are coming with their children as well.  I know this shouldn't bother me, but usually when I see them it is for an hour over breakfast during Christmas break.  I am so ashamed I have become the person I am, and this is what bothers me.  I want to change, so I am not embarrased to be around them.  I know they love me for who I am, but that doesn't mean that I love me for who I am.  Icant help but think that in the back of their mind they are thinking.  "If Candace would just lose weight I am sure she could find a husband," and I know its true, and that makes me sad!

Trip #2: Family Reunion in Michigan:  I know this doesn't sound that bad.  But let me tell you about my family.  My dads family are all over achievers.  They are very successfull, and they are all thin.  The family reunion is going to take place on Lake Michigan and again I will be wearing a bathing suit in front of my family member's that I dont know very well, and this depresses me.

Trip#3: Kendras Wedding: A couple of nights ago, my good friend called me and she is getting married.  I have until August to be comfortable in my own skin at her wedding.  I want to feel good for the wedding, so I can enjoy it. 

Well, I better run, I need to do some sit-ups and get online and buy some plane tickets!

Here's The Skinny.....

So today began the journey.  I woke up in time to actually weigh myself and the news is good.  According to my current weight, I actually need to lose between 110-115 lbs (not the 120 lbs previously believed).  So, I actually already feel like I am winning.  I guess if I keep telling myself this and this actually motivates me then that is all that matters.   On my way to work, I contemplated stopping for a large Diet Coke at McD's, but I knew I would never make it through the drive thru without ordering a delicious McMuffin, so I refrained.  I was able to refrain all day from unnecessary treats.  I even passed on some homemade ice cream my roommate made.

Tonight my friend Dan stopped by and asked me about my new quest.  I was so embarrassed my roommate Sarah told him about it.  I actually thought to myself for a half a second, "Ohh no, he's going to find out I am fat!"  As if the 100 lb blubber I was carrying around wasn't noticeable.  I was so embarrassed and told him I didnt want to talk about it.  I decided after a few mintues if I couldnt talk to him about it, how could I actually post my feelings to the world.

I feel like by making this journey, I will actually be honest with myself and everyone around me about my actual weight problem, and feelings.  I always make jokes about my weight to downplay my feelings, hopefully this will make me appreciate who I am.

NOT The Biggest Loser.....Yet

Ok, so this might be the craziest thing I have EVER done in my entire life.  There are a few events that have transpired that have driven me to BEGIN (really begin) my weightloss journey.

1.  Singles Cruise From Hell-  This was the final straw in my quest.  In October I signed up with my friend for a Singles Cruise.  I subsequently "tricked" (I use this term loosely since this wasn't her first singles cruise, so she knew exactly what she was getting hereself into) my roommate Sarah into coming with me on.  The cruise was slated for late January so I had roughly 4 long months to get myself in the best shape of my life....or on the way there at least.  I was super pumped and started P90X.  In all reality, October soon turned into Thanksgiving weekend and I was eating stuffing, and Pecan Pie.  Thanksgiving parlayed into Christmas, and by the timme I noticed, it was two weeks till the cruise and I was F-A-T; and I had to go swimming suit shopping. (this might have been the worst part of the entire ordeal).....needless to say, I cried in the dressing room.  By the time I was on the cruise ship I was over it but still fat.  I was on a cruise ship with 400 singles with rock hard bodies....I am not kidding.  I had several people on the cruise ship tell me that it was the best looking group of single poeple they had ever seen.....and I was the fat girl....

2.  The Biggest Loser wouldn't have me-  When I got home from the Cruise my Cousin Annie talked me into trying out for the Biggest Loser.  They were going to be in town mid March, so I had a month and a half to fatten myself up for the tryouts.  I started eating McDonalds EVERYDAY.....I told myself it was for the tryouts, but really I just love those Sausage McMuffins hold the egg please.  I didnt gain any weight (whehh) but now I have a hankering for McD's everyday.  My interview was with the casting directors yesterday morning.  I tried to wear my fattest outfit, and turned on my charm.  I knew this was my chance, the opportunity I had been eating for.  They didnt even give me a second look.  My cousin Annie got a call back and is on her way to be a big star.  She is going to do awesome.  I on the otherhand, am fat, dumb (all those sausage Mc Muffins) and un-happy......and so the journey begins......

Mostly, this is all for me, and anyone who cares to check it out.  I plan on updating weekly and posting progress pics, to get myself accountable to someone...even if it is just me and the keyboard.  I want to lose 120 lbs by the end of the year.  I want to do this healthy, and actually change my life.  I know the only way I am going to find love and truly be happy in this life is if I am happy with myself. And I'm not......